First, I want to go back, way back. As a child, I had really thick hair and my mother did not like to fool with it as evidenced in early school pictures. So, she took me to get it pressed (hot -comb) at an early age. I had so much hair that I couldn’t keep my head up for the length of time it took to press my hair, so I remember laying my head in the laps of the older girls or beauticians who were paid to fry my hair. I hated the smell and the heat against my neck but I was happy when it was done. It was easy to comb and brush and I loved the idea of long flowing hair. I thought I was more beautiful with straight hair. That was the unspoken image of beauty at that time from magazines and movie stars.
At the age of 11, my mother decided to stop the press and curl and I had my first official perm. This was horrible. It smelled bad and burned my scalp but again, the end result made me smile in satisfaction. Mom and I went to the beautician together and our styles included cuts, color, and streaking. Many times, throughout the years my scalp had huge sores from the chemicals staying on too long. No one ever listened when I said take it off, because they said it wasn’t ready (meaning not straight). So, I endured the pain as much as possible.
My mother dealt with her alopecia by wearing wigs. Most of her wigs looked very natural based on styles she used to wear. She would never be fully dressed to go out without one of her many wigs. She never talked about her loss of hair and seemed to be comfortable at home without wigs on though she usually had a scarf on.
Fast forward a little to early college days of the afro. I loved the natural hair look and it was popular at my all black college. The Afro was a sign of blackness and liberation. I also had friends who braided my hair in unique styles but often so tight that I could barely move my face without pain. But again, I looked good.
I came to dental school with an afro in a mostly white environment but that didn’t last long. The Image of a professional dentist did not match the ideal. Since I was the first and only black during my first year, the unsaid pressure to conform was there. Since My mother and I often wore wigs for style to change our appearance, the wig was the preferred choice. I liked the look of wigs but found the them uncomfortable. I remember another black female wore a wig to grow her already beautiful long hair. I was surprised to see her real hair and wondered why she hid under a wig, though I did not own the fact that I was also hiding.
Over the years, I wore a few wigs, tried the Jerri curl (a beautician said she could reverse the perm but it did not work so the curl didn’t take) so I decided to cut if off very short and liked the ease of caring for it.
Sometime in my 30’s I saw a dermatologist who noticed a patch of hair loss about the size of a quarter. I was diagnosed with alopecia. The treatment offered was to take Rogaine but I would have to continue taking forever and if I stopped it would get worse. I think I took the drug about a week but I did not want to continue it indefinitely so I declined the treatments.
I wore braids that were too tight, often adding hair to my own for a fuller effect but I never remember seeing any of my hair falling out in the bed or when washing. It was gradual and as I wore the beautiful twist that our sisters do so well, my hair got thinner and thinner. I had treatments at the clinic in Beer Sheva and sought other options. I looked at Hans Weinman, Bosley hair system, trichologist hair treatments, laser therapy and other hair loss products and services from specialist. Initially the cost was prohibitive with the Bosley and Weinman system, but I continued to search for help. Some of our sisters recommended natural hair treatments but they did not bring my hair back. When I went back to the hair treatment centers and dermatologist, they said my hair follicles were dead and there was nothing that would work. They told me I was doing a good job of covering the alopecia because at the time, I had found some natural hair that was added to my hair. This worked for many years but I continued to lose hair in thin air in spite of the lotions and potions that I used.
I felt ashamed seeing the patches of baldness around my head. Remember that MY Mom had the same balding pattern but wore wigs for many years that looked natural for her.
The added hair gave me a false sense of worth, and I continued the pretense that my hair defined me. I looked in the mirror but did not see me. I saw someone who was hiding from me, afraid to let go of the lies I had been telling myself, afraid to go into the unknown, afraid of what others would think or say. After all, our hair adorned with braids, beads and other things was what enhanced our natural beauty, and our glory; right? But not if there is an underlying lie or attempt to cover up. Even though I used natural human hair to cover some of the patches in the front, there were still the empty spaces in the back but I loved the compliments from others about my hair, driven by my ego (false
I had to ask: What was I really holding on to and why? Yah heard my cries and answered. Letting go of what was no longer serving me wasn’t a punishment as I have seen with some females in the community. I wasn’t chosen based on my hair or any other physical features. Yah knew my heart, and my spirit and has always kept me through many challenges and pain that I experienced. I had to forgive myself and not try to figure out why me.
So, in spite of fear, I decided to let it go. I decided to embrace me, naked and unashamed. What I saw was the true me. I looked into the mirror and saw a beauty and glow that I never embraced because I hid behind stuff like hair. I had to realize that my hair was not my antenna as I heard for so long. My ego and comparisons to others got in the way of me. My true strength was/is my Yah spirit. I had to embrace the words I love and accept myself as I am, as my reality. I had to know that Yah knew me in my mother’s womb before I was. I had to know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139, one of my favorites). I had to know in my soul that Yah has created me in the image and likeness of Yah.
Sisters, we must let go of adding yarn or other un-natural items to our hair to make it longer, thicker, or un-natural colors. Natural is our gift, whether our hair is thick or thin, long or short. My alopecia could have been a result of perms, hot combs, dyes, tight braids or heredity (as I was told via blood test, acupuncture test and genetic testing) or maybe it could be a light unto others to let go of any and all things that no longer serve us.
I had to be uncomfortable enough with my shame to be comfortable enough to proudly wear my crown. In order to embrace the internal journey, I also had to embrace external journey. I had to stop pretending that it didn’t hurt in order for me to heal. I had to stop hiding from the presence of Yah with fake “natural” hair and a false sense of beauty. I had to love myself enough to accept my flaws or brokenness and understand that they did not define me. My crown is my glory says Yah. Letting Go was a new freedom for me and a heavy weight lifted.
I found it interesting to learn of the Tignon Law- a law demanding that black women cover their hair because white women were jealous.
As I examined scriptures there were many references to hair as a crown of glory (Prov 16:31) or strength in hair as Sampson’s, or Numbers 6:5 instructing no razor on his head. Most of these refereed to Men.
1 Timothy 2:9-15- women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with godly fear and sobriety, not with braided hair, or good, or pearls, or costly array but with good works.
1 Peter 3:3- whose adorning, let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing of gold, or putting on apparel, but let it be the hidden woman of the heart in that which is not corruptible even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of yah a great price.
Matthew 10:30-31- The very hairs on your head are numbered but fear not, you are more value than many sparrows
Is there anything holding you back from Being the woman you were created to be?
What is holding you back?
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Historical Facts:
IN 1786, IT BECAME ILLEGAL FOR WOMEN OF AFRICAN DESCENT TO SHOW THEIR HAIR IN PUBLIC. YES, THIS WAS A REAL LAW. WHAT IS TIGNON LAW?
A decree demanding that women of African descent, slave or free, should cover their hair and heads with a knotted headdress and refrain from “excessive attention to dress”.
WHY WAS TIGNON LAW CREATED?
Historian Virginia M. Gould notes that Tignon law would control women “who had become too light skinned or who dressed too elegantly, or who, in reality, competed too freely with white women for status and thus threatened the social order.
⚡️Women of African descent would often adorn their hair with colorful jewelry, beads and other accents, demonstrating an exotic appearance that attracted the attention of white male suitors.
Freedom for me to explore new ventures like drumming.
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A Womans Guide to a Healthier New You By Dr. Perdita Fisher (xlibris.com)